At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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