3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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