Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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