Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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