My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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