The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh god it's open bar.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
