Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
