Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
