She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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