I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
