Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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