I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So. Much. Porn.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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