My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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