I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we're making bets on your personal life
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
