I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
