I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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