Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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