Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
