You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
