I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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