look no pants
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
