I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
