A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
