i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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