We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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We just shotgunned beers for America
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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