I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.