I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
