Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.