i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.