His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
