I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
