We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
