Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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