I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
