I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
