Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
