You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
