dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
