I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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