i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
