she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
