This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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