how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
