doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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