i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
