im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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