Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
