How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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