Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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