i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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