How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
