the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
