I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
