Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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