Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize