Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
