Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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