I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
