You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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