there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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