She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
