he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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