i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
