just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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