It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
