Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
