just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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