Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
