Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
