The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize